On Feminism

I recently read the book We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche. I love it so much. It made me feel so empowered and excited and it helped me see the world a little differently. Adiche is brilliant and I would like to pass out copies of this book to everyone so that we can all be a little more understanding. And not cringe at the word feminist. Because feminists have so much good to say.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
"The person more qualified to lead is not the physically stronger person. It is the more intelligent, the more knowledgeable, the more creative, more innovative. And there are no hormones for that." She was talking about how if both a man and a woman apply for a job, and the woman is qualified and WANTS the job, and the man does not- he should not be given the job simply because of his gender. And that is SO TRUE.

"We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do." Here, the problem is not with compromising. Compromise is wonderful. But compromising should go both ways. Also so true.

"I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because she has been taught that to be 'good wife material', she has to be - to use that Nigerian word- homely. And then she got married. And her husband's family began to complain that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to be what she was not. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are." YES YES YES.

"I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femininity. And I want to be respected in all my femaleness... I am girly. I am happily girly. I like high heels and trying on lipstick... but I often wear clothes that men don't like or don't 'understand'. I wear them because I like them and because I feel good in them."

So yes. I am a feminist. And I shouldn't be ashamed to identify as one. 
(I love this quote from Aziz Ansari- “If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you’re feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work. You can’t be like, ‘Oh yeah, I’m a doctor that primarily does diseases of the skin.’ ‘Oh, so you’re a dermatologist?’ ‘Oh no, that’s way too aggressive of a word! No no not at all not at all.’ ” HAHAHAHA)

I believe that women are POWERFUL.
And that they should have GOALS and AMBITIONS and should never feel that they can't DO or BE something because they are a woman.
And I believe that they should pursue things that they are PASSIONATE about, not just things that society tells them they should be passionate about.
And I believe that they should find a man that SUPPORTS and ENCOURAGES them to succeed, and that expects you to do the same for them.
I believe that you should work with your spouse to find out what works best for you and your family. If you like to cook and he doesn't, you should cook! If you don't like to cook and he does? He should cook! If you both hate cooking? Take turns! Or go out to eat! Or make the person with more free time cook!
I believe that both women and men CAN do anything that they set their minds to.

But I was struggling with this because the church very clearly outlines men and women's roles. Men should provide for their family. Women should be moms and should take care of their children. And I've been trying to figure out how to be a feminist while also being on God's side. And I believe that I can. Because I don't think that feminism should mean just doing whatever you want. Yes, men and women should be equal but that doesn't mean we are the same. Yes, women should have goals and dreams and yes they should encourage their children to do the same. But I don't think that if you have a dream, you should just pursue it no matter what.
 Because that can be selfish.
I may not WANT to be a stay at home mom. But if that is what is best for my family, I may have to sacrifice. (However, I don't believe that you have to be a stay at home mom to be a good mom. It's just figuring out what's best for you, your husband, and your family.)
I may not WANT to clean the house all the time. But if my husband works longer hours than I do, I shouldn't make him do it either.
I may not WANT to move across the country if my husband gets a job somewhere else. But RELATIONSHIPS require SACRIFICE.
And so does religion. If God wants you to be something that you may not originally want to be, you may have to SACRIFICE.
And I'm still grappling with this because it's really hard. It's a lot easier to just have a goal and trample anyone that stands in your way. But that takes away from the most important things in life.

So, yes, I am a feminist. But feminism can be a lot more useful if we think less about being equal and more about being kind.