Changing How I See God

I like to think I have a fairly good relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know He loves me, He knows I love Him. I talk to him every day and (usually) trust Him that He knows what He's doing.

But my relationship with him and my thoughts about Him have changed quite a bit in the last few years. I used to think that He wanted to control everything I did. I believed that there was always a right and a wrong choice, and if I chose the wrong choice, my whole life would be altered and I would be doomed to a life of misery (wow so dramatic). Now, that's not really the case (Although I still struggle a lot! But I'm learning).

I have had many instances when I have been praying for an answer and I've been so frustrated because one just doesn't come! Or worse, I feel like I get two different answers and I don't know what to do! And it gives me MAJOR anxiety because, hello! Wrong choice= life of misery! There have been times when I've been physically sick because I am so worried about making the wrong choice and not being sure if I've had an answer or not. But I (finally) realized that 99% of the time, THERE ISN'T ONE RIGHT ANSWER. God doesn't have my life planned out minute by minute. He has given me talents and gifts and desires and family and friends to help me on my way but He TRUSTS me to make my own decisions. He knows my heart and He wants me to learn things on my own (while encouraging me along the way, of course!)

So, that being said.
Was going to USU the right choice? OF COURSE! I am in love with Utah State and I've met the best people in the world here. But if I had gone to say *shudder* BYU, I would have had a great college education and met amazing people in gross Provo ;)

Was marrying Tanner the right choice? Are you kidding? He's the best human in the world! But if I hadn't married him, another girl would have gotten dang lucky and everything would have been ok. (Thank goodness that didn't happen though. Tanner is so fun.)

Is going into teaching the right choice? I've felt over and over again that YES. This is (one of) my calling(s) in life! But if I'd chosen a different major? I would still be given opportunities to use my talents and bless the lives of others.

So does it really matter where we choose to move, when we have kids, whether or not we get a dog, etc, etc? Maybe it does. But maybe, also, it doesn't.

I'm not saying that personal revelation isn't a very real, very important thing. Because it definitely is! But what I am saying is that maybe God gives us a little more freedom than we all realize. Because maybe the Spirit is guiding us without us even knowing! And are there times when there definitely is a wrong and right choice? Of course! (Don't do drugs everyone! That's the wrong choice!) But I like to think that God has blessed me with my goals and ambitions and characteristics. And He already knows the decisions I am going to want to make.


And maybe I'm completely wrong on all of this. Or maybe this is just how it works for me. But I feel grateful to have a Heavenly Father that loves me and that always wants the best for me and that believes in me and my ability to make good decisions.


Like Tanner always tells me, "I don't need to help you all the time. I need to teach you how to help yourself." And I think God is like that too. He wants me to help myself and He wants me to be the happiest I can possibly be. Now if only I can learn to stop worrying and really believe Him ;)